how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize