Nicole vs. Life
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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