I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
