I'm gonna have a badass scar
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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