ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
