my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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