dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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