They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
