But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this is an emotional support booty call
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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