"it" just moved
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
