Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
