I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
