Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
