Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
