The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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