I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
