i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
