i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
