I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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