didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
