Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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