Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
