I wanna bring you to show and tell
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
