If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
