oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize