HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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