I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
