My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
