While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize