Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize