I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
