Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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