I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
