I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
