I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
