none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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