Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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