She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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