don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
