I wannas sexs uuuuu
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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