Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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