OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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