textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
