So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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