i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
