Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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