sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
