Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
