I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
