I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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