shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
