the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
