I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
