Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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