Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
