Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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