If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
