Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
