what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
