Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
