Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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