Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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