omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
